Buddy is our 18-year-old, longhaired cat. We scoop out her two litter boxes daily (she needs space to do her business), let her in when she meows and provide a special heating pad for her bed. She’s a bit lax on grooming which leaves her mat-prone. (Maybe she’s tired of giving herself hairballs.) I’m a bit lax on brushing her, which leaves me guilt-prone. (She bites if the brush goes anywhere behind her front paws and that leaves a lot of cat ungroomed.)
Every time I pet Buddy and feel a mat, my “bad owner” guilt meter pegs red. I don’t know if the mats annoy Buddy. It doesn’t matter. They annoy me and I’m the boss. I took Buddy to our awesome groomer, Linda, and asked her to use the clippers and cut them off (fully realizing that would cut off my guilt, too).
Linda told me clipping might not be the best course of action. Here’s how she explained it: As cats get older, their skin becomes more elastic and sometimes the mats have a bit of skin pulled into the base of them. Clipping for clipping’s sake might nick her. (In case you’re wondering, Linda said hair mats on dogs tend to sit on top of the skin and are more clipper-friendly.)
“I error on the side of caution and concern for Buddy’s well-being,” Linda said. “Plus, she’s old – no need to stress her out.” Linda mentioned that, in some cases, she tells an owner to take the cat to the vet to remove mats ultra-close to the skin. “The vet isn’t necessarily good at grooming,” she continued, “but if the vet cuts the cat while removing the mat, then (a) the vet has the skill to patch up the cut and (b) the owner pays the vet, not me.” I told Linda that with this information I would change my view and live with some mats if I needed to.
A couple of hours later, I got a voice mail to pick up Buddy. When I arrived, Linda said she liked hearing my phone message — Hi. You’ve reached Work In Progress Coaching. “Just hearing that reminds me that we are always working to get better and that’s a good thing at any age.” She shared a story:
“When I taught a grooming class, in addition to teaching technical skills, I would share tips I’d learned over the years. One day, I told the class that when I clip the nails of a dog that had an elderly owner, I always Dremeled the nails to remove sharp edges. Why? For the owner’s sake. I knew that elderly skin was more easily bruised and torn. Newly trimmed, unsanded nails had the potential to hurt the owner and, potentially, their experience of me.”
Linda could simply do her expert thing and ply her trade, but she doesn’t. She pays attention to the system within which her customers live. She patiently responds to concerns with education, not “trust me” platitudes. She doesn’t just do what an owner asks for if it violates her commitment to care for her four-legged customers. She does what the customer ultimately wants: their pet to be cared for properly.
Leadership Lesson: Next time you want to get an annoying “mat” out of someone’s behavior or your own, remember: it’s likely to have skin attached. It could be the skin of a well-engrained habit, a behavior that worked well in the past, but that’s insufficient or even in appropriate now.
Using your title, Mr. /Ms. Manager/Boss, to summarily say “clip it out” probably isn’t the best or most effective approach. Try this conversation model instead:
- Set the context. (Speak your intention and intended outcome.)
- Give feedback. (Cite specific examples. Say how the behavior impacts your perception of them. If you think the behavior might be a career staller, tell them.)
- Ask what they see about the behavior. (If they offer “why” they do it, listen to understand their worldview. Most likely, that’s what must be altered.)
- Say what the desired behavior looks like and the consequences for not changing. (Calling it out may jump-start the change process.)
- Make a time-based request for improvement.
- Offer support. Follow-up and complete the development process.
The role as a manager or leader includes being responsible for supporting the development of your people. Don’t wait too long before calling in support for the process. (We’re all getting older. No need to stress out!) An effective coach knows how to help someone release ineffective habits and establish productive ones that lead to higher performance and less annoyance. (Pus, a skilled coach can attend to the nicks likely to occur in the mat-removing process.)
•••
Camille Smith specializes in helping teams and their leaders work together more effectively so they can achieve goals that matter. www.wipcoaching.com ~ 831-685-1480